On the road again

I was reading a friend's blog earlier where she posted pictures someone had taken when their family said goodbye to her husband before he deployed.

No matter how many deployments you've been through, they're never easy. You find different coping mechanisms to help you during the months your spouse is gone. Many times the crux is if you have kids, their ages, what you're involved in, etc..

Each deployment changes both of you. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.

I don't think I've said goodbye to Jason without crying. His last deployment I ended up leaving with the boys because I couldn't stop crying. They didn't need to see me this upset nor did Jason need his wife bawling more then the other spouses. I'll also throw in how late it was and the company not heading out until the wee hours of the morning.

All of this reminded me of a bittersweet goodbye which also had us laughing. Jason had come back to Germany on emergency medical leave since Colin was in the kinderintensivstation, aka NICU. He stayed home for a month before leaving again. Colin was home for all of two days before we headed out to the airport at Rhein-Main for the second time that day.

We're sitting in the car outside of the terminal around 2am waiting for the flight. In front of us on the curb was a soldier and his girlfriend making out. I'm not talking a bit of kissing here and there. The only thing keeping them from having sex were their clothes. I don't think being outside would have stopped either one of them.

Jason commented he should stop them since the soldier was in uniform, they were on base and out in the open for everyone to see. Only he didn't because we knew his goodbye was imminent as were the soldiers. Oh yes, there were two of them making out. The other was in a car parked a few spaces away. They gave us quite a show too.

As we watched them make out, we joked they weren't married or had kids. They had the boundless energy of new sex with new people. Those were the days.

Mrs. Hewitt

Over the weekend Jason helped raked the leaves in Mrs. Hewitt's backyard. He'd come home when she was leaf blowing her front yard and offered to help. The boys and I caught her raking after we came back from our nap. We walked down with a rake, brooms and kid energy to help with the rest.

She is 90yrs old and has lived in our neighborhood for 54 years. I only hope I'm as spry as she is, being a young 90yrs old.

Call me Grace.

What's the last bit about locking myself out of the house with Jake in the van? I have one-upped myself. I locked Jake and I in their bedroom last week. This meant I climbed out the bedroom window. Not exactly an easy task since the windows are high on the wall. Great for privacy. Bad for needing to break out of your own house, especially since the windows are just as high on the outside.

I'm hanging onto the windowsill with Jake gleefully watching along when I realized I hadn't a clue how far I should jump and where exactly the basement window well was located. I eased up a bit only to break the well covering. A slight move to the right and I dropped down. During all of this, I could feel the brick digging into my arms and stomach.

Dusting myself off, I look at my arms. They're scraped in several places along with my stomach. Not even a week later, the bruises are turning yellow thanks to copious amounts of Hippie Goo slathered on. Half of my right arm is a giant bruise. The scrap near my elbow hurts from cellulitis. Fortunately I haven't visited the ER for more drugs since it's not spreading.

Sadly, my friends are not surprised I've done this. Nor am I.

Comedy of Errors

This is what happens when I try doing all of my errands in one trip. Jake and I headed out for H&M at Tysons Corner for wedding attire. Uncle Snippy knows we're not fancy schmancy in our house (nor is he) so not having the boys in little suits wouldn't be an issue. Still, I didn't want them looking like our hillbilly cousins either. IF H&M didn't have anything decent I'd be hitting up Old Navy.

I did find sweater vests and shirts for the boys at H&M. No pants thinking I'd find something usable amongst the boys clothes. Jason felt khakis of some type would be best. Only everything the boys have is beginning to show wear and tear from either grass stains or knees becoming worn. Never mind there not being any sort of khaki type pant in Jake's size.

On the way back for our trip to Wegman's, I realized I didn't have my shopping list or coupons. Not a problem. I'll swing by the house for the missing items.

Jake and I pull into the driveway. I tell him I'll be right back while leaving him buckled and locked in the car. He can't escape out of his car seat and I was running in for a pee and the list. Only as I left the house, pulling the door shut behind me, I didn't have my keys. The house was locked up and so was the van.

I stood there by the front door trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do when I remember the windows are open. Fantastic, I'll break into my own house. Only, as I'm thinking this, Jake unbuckles enough so he can lean forward to open the van door. The alarm goes off. Even better.

I go into 'deer in the headlights' mode before running into the yard for the ladder. I'm on the ladder looking into our bedroom wondering exactly how I'll enter the house. Our windows open on both sides with only a screen on one side. Only, they're higher up off the ground so the drop inside the house is higher then normal. They're also narrow so it's not easy hiking a leg over.

Fuck it, I thought as I leaned forward grabbing onto the headboard. I slowly eased myself into a somersault position knowing my legs were flailing before my head reached the mattress. At this point I got myself onto the bed with nothing more then a few bits of mulch decorating the bed.

As I grabbed my keys, heading out the door once again, I kept my fingers crossed no one questioned the van alarm wailing or why I broke into our house. Maybe our neighbors have realized how crazy a household full of males can be so nothing is questioned.

Dear weather,

my sinuses hate you. Yes, I said hate you with a passion. Waking up in the middle of the night with sinus pressure is not pleasant. Please get on with the rain so all can be right in my head.

Sincerely,
Niki's sinuses.

It was bedtime 30 minutes ago

I'm sitting here on the couch listening to the boys talk in bed. Loudly. Brendan and Colin have always chatted for a bit after being tucked into bed. Now that Jake is sharing the room? We're lucky if they actually fall asleep under an hour.

Jake's also taken to coming out every minute for hugs. While I love the open arms, small grin tugging at his mouth, enough with the hugs already! I know the day will come when I'll miss the hugs. Tonight isn't the day.

All of this is coming after a day of sick kids. Colin spent most of the morning either communing with the toilet or holding a bucket in his hand. He crashed in our room for a few hours this afternoon. Jake woke up snotfilled and coughing. I kept reminding him my shirt isn't a kleenex.

We were also to have driven down to Atlanta. Dealing with vomiting wasn't something I wanted in the van on a 10 hour drive. If we'd gone down on Sunday as originally planned, the hoarking could have commenced at Mom's. Instead the HVAC delay kept the illness confined to our house.

On that note. Off to beat submission into the boys. Until the door is shut so the giggling starts all over.

I'm going back to school. Maybe.

I've been thinking about finishing my AA for awhile now. We're in a position where this can be done. Northern Virginia Community College offers almost in-state tuition for members and dependents of the military, which is another plus for finalizing my AA at this point in time. And the no cost on our part thanks to the military offering grants for spouses to finish their degrees or certification training.

I finally mentioned this to Jason last night during a conversation about a former coworker who is here in D.C.. I'd joked about her giving me a job. He said I wouldn't like it because of all the complaining old biddies. I responded maybe I should finish my AA instead, which he is perfectly okay with my doing.

While I desperately want a job, I keep forgetting the realities of childcare. It's more expensive in this area and I don't think I'll have ready access to childcare on post unless I take a job on post. Jason's commute is all over the place still since George Mason hasn't started fall classes. I really don't want my kids in daycare at the ass crack of dawn until 6 or 7pm at night.

If I go back to school, hoping I'll only need a few classes to finish my AA, it'll be easier to find someone to watch Jake. Amy's already offered and there's a potential of an in-home childcare down the block from our house.

I've sent in my application for starting in the spring. This'll give me the chance in finalizing paperwork, getting the grant and seeing if the school will accept all my old credits. I have 61 under my belt if they accept them all. I'm hoping they do so I don't start from scratch.

Rambling mess of ooginess

I had all these grand plans of cleaning today, straightening up the carport, doing some organizing in storage. All this has gotten tossed out the door thanks to whatever is going on within my intestines. I LOVE being tied down to the toilet. The boys love it even more since I'm refusing to go outside.

Yesterday we bought curtains for the living room and dining room. We could have used our old ones from Germany only it's time for something new. The old curtains are sitting in the armoir waiting for a new home. I still like them even though we have no use at the moment. Same could be said for the blue curtains we got at Pier1 for our bedroom.

We tried finding a desk yesterday at Bare Woods in Chantilly. Instead we're most likely coming away with a buffet for the kitchen. Hopefully it can be made in the recycled barn wood to our specifications. We're keeping our fingers crossed the woman understood what we were asking. We'll find out soon enough. Storage has been an issue in our kitchen thanks to the small, 1950's design. Funny how kitchens got small in the mid-century when they were big at the beginning.

We need to figure out a storage solution for downstairs. Ikea has something which could help with this and a desk for the boys computer. We still need a desk upstairs but downstairs is more pressing. I think we'll end up getting the cubby shelving with desk attachment in the end. I've been wanting something similar for the toys. Mix use of space for books, baskets for storage, etc.. This would solve all of those problems and fit nicely in the nook by the wood burning stove.

At least I'm getting laundry done inbetween all the bathroom trips. The kitchen floor was mopped, counters wiped down and the bathroom partially cleaned. The rest of the house can shove it until tomorrow.

You know you're a homeowner when

you actually clean all the fucking time. Seriously. I'm being honest here about the cleaning.

It's not like we lived in a sty before buying our own house. I always made sure everything was clean underneath the clutter. Dishes got done on a regular basis. Wasn't always daily. Toys were picked up when necessary. This has gotten better now we make the boys do the task while threatening their lives. Laundry is still a hangup since it never ends.

We've had hardwoods before so it's nothing new for us in the house. Easier to clean, whether from a swiffer, broom or vacuum cleaner. Must be kept clean thanks to all the sand the boys bring home from the various playgrounds we visit.

Clutter is going down except in our room and the office. I blame both on Jason. Every time I get our bedroom under control I open more boxes of his shit which ends up in our room until a place is found. Boxes still inhabit the office. Most of them have been opened, poked through a bit, then promptly set aside. More crap I don't know where it goes. All the crap, though, is confined behind walls with a door.

The walls are getting pictures hung. Not many since the house is too small for everthing to be on the walls. I'm liking the simplification this move has made. I'm liking less on the walls. Our house would feel crowded with everything up. With clutter in every corner or on every surface. A few days ago I removed all boxes from the living areas. I don't mind if things aren't totally unpacked. I minded them staying unpacked next to the sofa for all to witness.

The floors have been mopped twice already. I've scrubbed the bathroom down and then some. One day I'll get the tub clean. The kitchen smells of lemon from today's cleaning. The floor is missing various spills which accumulated in the last few days. All of this I do inbetween the screams, the wails, the fighting, the hugs, the demands.

I have a house which is trying to stay clean. I have a house which I happily clean even while I'm cursing while doing so. I've never been much of a clean freak. I never will but I don't necessarily mind cleaning our 1950's brick house because it's actually ours. Not the military's. Not a rental complex. Not mom's or even Aramco's. Holy fuck.

This is what happens when you become a homeowner. That stupid pride in ownership crap. Gah.

And the shots didn't work.

I started seeing the local pain management doctor while living in Leavenworth. He got into pain management by way of dental school. There was a lack of anesthesiologists when he graduated so he joined the racks of dosing happy medicine.

I was dubious the first time I saw him. How can a dentist help my back when orthopedic and neuro surgeons haven't done anything? We talked about my history, the MRI I had the year before and he happily said he can help me starting that day.

Over the next few months I saw him every few weeks for cortisone injections in two discs. At first I was excited thinking this might actually work. I could wrap my head around getting these shots if the end result was minimal swelling of the discs. Little did I know the last shot would screw things up for me internally.

I haven't had a proper bowel movement since May. I was regular. Twice a day in the morning regular. Now I must take fiber supplements. It's now July and things haven't changed.

My back? Moving showed me things haven't changed one bit. All those shots for naught. Once we get settled I'll find a doctor or physical therapist who can help me again. I'm tired of the ongoing issues I'm having. I'm tired of being told time will make things better. It's been over 8 yrs. Time isn't making things better. Maybe, just maybe, I'll find someone who can truly help me and I'll have one day, or week, or month, without any pain.

Homeownership is awesome!

Hahahahahahahaha. Let me wipe the tears away from my eyes. We've officially been in our house for a week. Chaos still abounds. There's talk of projects down the road, what should go on craigslist, moving boys around, boxes still unopened. Cursing abounds on an hourly basis while Jason walks in the door with a new saw. Our bedroom is in pieces while he attempts his handyman status at installing a ceiling fan. I'll let you know if any hospital visits are in our future.

I've had fun running around this morning looking for new beds. Jason's plan in putting all three boys in one room has gone out the door. This was not my idea, putting the boys in one room, since I knew it wouldn't be long before they were separated. Only we now must shuffle around closets and what should have been in the office, elsewhere. Originally Jason was taking over the office closet. Now I will be since Jake will be in said room. His new gear must stay away from the hands of little boys.

He came home with all sorts of goodies, including a saber and tap shoes. We knew he'd be traveling before accepting the S4 position. We didn't know how involved he'd be parades, etc.. His new Blues are slightly different from the set we already have. He's even been given a garment bag for protection. The more he comes home with crap the more we realize how involved he'll be with the Old Guard. Apparently it's not just the enlisted who are part of the functions for the Old Guard.

Everything is blurry-eyed this morning.

I've slept horribly the past few days. Jason's taken up snoring/making odd noises in all positions he sleeps in. I try my damnedest in zening myself into sleep but it works for me. Instead, I end up tossing and turning while cursing Jason in his blissful sleep.

Last night he fell asleep within 5 minutes of turning on the t.v.. Me? While exhausted couldn't fall asleep. Around quarter of 2 I stumbled out to the couch for a feeble attempt at sleep. I woke up with noises coming from downstairs, meaning Brendan had woken up. As I crawled back into bed, Jason said he'd take the boys on a trip ending in a Dunkin Donuts run. Not a problem I mumbled, burrowing more into the bed covers. I thought, quite ignorantly, Jake would stay asleep for a bit longer.

Hearing footsteps in the living room, I heard the first pounding on the door by Jake. Everyone left. I was laying in bed with my fingers crossed my sleep deprived mind tricked me. No. The pounding started again. 6:48 am I was officially up for the day. I don't have the energy for this right now especially with a cross-country move quickly coming upon us.

I will be buying ear plugs before the trip starts. The thought of sleeping in a hotel room with multiple snoring voices makes me cringe. I'm not going to survive.

Shouldn't I be too old for getting strep?

I'd think so but this is the second year in a row I've been given the strep diagnosis. I will say I can swallow this time around. Last year I ended up spitting because of the pain.

I also got my first mammogram this afternoon. Fortunately having boobs now helped the process. If I was still my pre-pregnancy size it'd be interesting trying to squish everything in the machine. Uncomfortable but okay. I've been in worse odd positions for previous medical procedures.

Next month we're out of Kansas. Hooray! I will not miss the tornado sirens or wind here in the Midwest. Once again Jason and I started talking about moving ourselves. As it stands we're being packed up on the 8th and 9th. If we move ourselves, we'll have a bit more wiggle room on getting out of Kansas. There's the added bonus of making money from moving ourselves. Every little bit helps on taking a chunk out of the debt.

Oh yeah? Screw you too!

Said in a crisis of hormones this morning at the front desk. I'm clueless as to why I got so very emotional when confronted by a co-worker this a.m. but I did.

One of the girls I work with is a high school senior. Back when I started working at the gym I'd asked her if she babysat. She replied yes and wouldn't mind babysitting for us on occasion. We'd use her as a back up since there was another high school student several houses down from us.

The past few times I've asked my coworker she's had prior engagements. The last time I worked with her I inquired if she could babysit for us. No dice. At first I thought she couldn't because of decorating her house for graduation (it's not until mid May). Seriously. I then asked if I shouldn't bother asking her anymore. Her response was I pretty much shouldn't bother doing so. This struck me the wrong way. I don't have a problem with a person being busy every time I ask them to babysit. This is why they're the back up. I have a problem with the response and how she said it.

I brought this up to my supervisor during our shift. More because I was surprised in the response. This coworker has no problem babysitting for others but apparently for us she does. I know she is choosy. Not a problem. I was they same way. I also never said I'd babysit for a person if I didn't want too.

This morning she comes up to me at the front desk while I was making a smoothie for breakfast. She found out from talking to our supervisor I was upset. She doesn't understand why I have a problem in her not babysitting for us. She's busy. She's about to graduate. She's going to have two jobs. I kept saying it wasn't her being busy. We understand this. It was her saying I shouldn't bother as if I'm being a nuisance to her in even asking. I got upset and couldn't figure out why. I'm not about to start my period so I couldn't even blame PMS. It took me a good hour before I wasn't on the verge of tears. I still can't figure out why.

Finding a person you can trust with your kids is difficult. Finding a person to babysit your kids when you're new to an area is difficult. When you do, even if they're a backup and then having them dismiss you, is fucked up.

And her making it seem our supervisor brought this to her attention? Nope. She apparently called her afterwards saying she thought I was upset and wondered if anything had been said. I give up at this point. We're out of here in a few weeks. Fortunately, we already have a number for a sitter once we move to D.C..

Glop

Years ago I visited Shawn when he was in college. One night for dinner he made glop. I couldn't even begin to tell you what exactly he put in that night's version of glop. Anything and everything goes into a pot which then gets glopped into a bowl or plate.

Last night I modified a vegetarian sloppy joes into glop. A dish of rice, beans, carrots, onions and green peppers become glop with the addition of corn and cheese. Comfort food. I happily ate my glop last night and will do so again today with the leftovers. Glop serves a purpose when all you have is a hodge podge of foods.

What is your glop?

Things leftover from being pregnant:

One sensitive gag reflex thanks to Jake.

I never really had a problem with horrible smells causing me to hurl until Jake. I could clean all kinds of messes without issue. Pets are great for this when they get sick. Diarrhea all over the downstairs? Not a problem. Vomit all over the bedroom from a vaccine reaction? Not a problem.

Jake hoarking all over his bedroom with chunks? I almost lost my coffee when shaking out his sheet outside. A bit of gunk landed on the deck and my shoe. It was everything I could do in keeping the contents of my stomach (lots of coffee) down as I ran into the house. Same thing happens in cleaning out the washing machine or dryer if I haven't gotten the big chunks off the various bits being cleaned. Side note: I went to switch out the loads and stepped on a chunk. I could have sworn all bits were accounted for. Eck.

I completely understand having a sensitive gag reflex while pregnant. I can't tell you how many times I stopped on the side of the street so I could hoark, whether from walking Hildy or getting car sick. The joys of morning sickness. I expected this sensitivity. I didn't expect for it's continuation afterwards.

My only wish this morning is for Jake to keep the contents of his stomach down.

Lazy is my middle name.

There are so many things I could, or should, be doing at the moment instead of sitting on my arse.

I should be cleaning the house for Dad's visit but I'm not.

I could be taking a nap.

I should be browsing the government job sites for a job.

I should be looking for more houses.

I know there's more I could put on my list if I actually took a moment for collecting my thoughts. The randomness is much more appropriate for my life. Why should I stop my thought process being all over the place when it happens when I talk?

The house will be cleaned, for the most part, by the time Dad arrives tomorrow night. Today is the day for relaxing until chaos hits around 4. All things will get done eventually.

Things we do for a move.

I've started the process of slogging through Jake's toys and clothes. There's a box ready in the spare room for the consignment shop. Whatever she doesn't take will be donated at work or Goodwill. Most of his clothes are being donated since they're a tad grungy for selling. I'm not complaining since he's the third person in wearing the clothes.

I'll do another go around in my clothes for donation purposes. In the process of having kids and losing weight, most of my old stuff has been chucked. I held onto my skinny clothes for years before giving them up. I realized I wouldn't wear them again if I got myself back down in those sizes. Jason really needs a massive overhaul with his shite.

I'm all about consigning or donating. Someone mentioned she didn't consign because she wouldn't get as much money. I think it's worth the cost when I won't be wasting my time hauling out our crap, haggling with buyers and trashing/donating what doesn't get sold. Why not have someone else do all of this for us?

We are Property Virgins

I'd love for Sandra's help in finding us a house in the D.C. metro area. I wouldn't love being on a show as being the only way in getting her help. What I appreciate is showing only 3 homes for the virgins perusal. No looking at 20 houses. No endless searches online for what neighborhoods fit your needs. She, or her peons, do all of this for you. I would like to be on 'Property Virgins' without the filming.

Jason and I will be driving out in April for the house hunt. Depending upon who we talk with, things have been all over the place in where we should live, commutes, etc.. We both know Jason will have a commute of some type. It's a matter of how long based on where we end up buying. Hopefully he won't have a horrendous commute based upon the time of day he'll head out.

It'd be great if we could find a house within the beltway which fits all of our needs and budget. At the moment it won't happen with my being out of a job. The chances of my finding one between now and April is slim. So we make due.

Ask me how I am in a month and things might be drastically different.

A phone call we never expected.

Last week Colin's teacher, Mrs. Kelly, called saying she needed to talk about Colin. The fear of dread hit my stomach wondering exactly what he did since we've never gotten a phone call about him. Jason had the same response/look when I told him Mrs. Kelly called to talk about Colin.

Mrs. Kelly wondered if I still wanted to do his parent-teacher conference since it wasn't necessary for him. She further qualified this question by stating he's working well above his age and that I know she thinks he's a phenomenal student. His only issue is sitting still, something she feels doesn't require a conference. We decided to go ahead with the conference since Jason hadn't met her yet. Only I realized this morning the conference is tomorrow when Jason is in class.

I really never expected a phone call saying the parent-teacher conference isn't necessary.

Apparently I suck

and I'm also negative in regards to my job. Well at least with one of the parents at the gym. I don't think she realizes how much our personalities are alike which is probably why she's judged me based on a snapshot view out of a day.

All this boils down to two comments I made taken out of context, especially the one where I continued in talking with her son about how I'm not ticklish. I have regularly told this parent how much her kid cracks me up and he rocks. Those comments have rendered nary a blip on her radar. Nope, instead I'm negative and suck.

I can't wait until the next time she comes into the gym with her kid only because I am aware of her comments about me. She'd mentioned to my supervisor I could come out and talk to her about all of this. Not going to happen since the chances of my being at the gym at the same time as her means I'm working. I won't have a discussion with a parent about her perception of me. My job is temporary and part-time. I'm not interested in getting one parent's ideas changed since she's thrown down a line in which I have become damned no matter my interaction with her or her kids.

Will work for childcare.

Okay, so that's what I'm doing at the moment. In the near future I'm hoping things will change. Or maybe I can bribe someone for things to change. I'm not above bribery.

This summer we're heading to D.C.. While I've been checking out the jobs on CPOL, Monster and usajobs.com, I can't really go all gungho with the job search until we're closer in leaving Kansas. Spousal preference can't be used until we're 30 days out. That's a card I want to hold onto dearly, one I probably won't lose until hitting up Ft. Myer's employment office. I know there's an official name of which I've drawn a huge blank on.

I'm excited in knowing my foot will get back into the door with employment. Of the searches completed, there isn't a lack of jobs in the D.C. area. My problem is not having the secret squirrel clearance type of thing. I say everyone should retire already and let the newbies get a stranglehold in the government system.

At this point I have several people checking out my resume, giving me pointers and laughing their arses off. I also need to update Resumix with their ideas and hope something will bite in the NoVA area.