What's the last bit about locking myself out of the house with Jake in the van? I have one-upped myself. I locked Jake and I in their bedroom last week. This meant I climbed out the bedroom window. Not exactly an easy task since the windows are high on the wall. Great for privacy. Bad for needing to break out of your own house, especially since the windows are just as high on the outside.
I'm hanging onto the windowsill with Jake gleefully watching along when I realized I hadn't a clue how far I should jump and where exactly the basement window well was located. I eased up a bit only to break the well covering. A slight move to the right and I dropped down. During all of this, I could feel the brick digging into my arms and stomach.
Dusting myself off, I look at my arms. They're scraped in several places along with my stomach. Not even a week later, the bruises are turning yellow thanks to copious amounts of Hippie Goo slathered on. Half of my right arm is a giant bruise. The scrap near my elbow hurts from cellulitis. Fortunately I haven't visited the ER for more drugs since it's not spreading.
Sadly, my friends are not surprised I've done this. Nor am I.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Comedy of Errors
This is what happens when I try doing all of my errands in one trip. Jake and I headed out for H&M at Tysons Corner for wedding attire. Uncle Snippy knows we're not fancy schmancy in our house (nor is he) so not having the boys in little suits wouldn't be an issue. Still, I didn't want them looking like our hillbilly cousins either. IF H&M didn't have anything decent I'd be hitting up Old Navy.
I did find sweater vests and shirts for the boys at H&M. No pants thinking I'd find something usable amongst the boys clothes. Jason felt khakis of some type would be best. Only everything the boys have is beginning to show wear and tear from either grass stains or knees becoming worn. Never mind there not being any sort of khaki type pant in Jake's size.
On the way back for our trip to Wegman's, I realized I didn't have my shopping list or coupons. Not a problem. I'll swing by the house for the missing items.
Jake and I pull into the driveway. I tell him I'll be right back while leaving him buckled and locked in the car. He can't escape out of his car seat and I was running in for a pee and the list. Only as I left the house, pulling the door shut behind me, I didn't have my keys. The house was locked up and so was the van.
I stood there by the front door trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do when I remember the windows are open. Fantastic, I'll break into my own house. Only, as I'm thinking this, Jake unbuckles enough so he can lean forward to open the van door. The alarm goes off. Even better.
I go into 'deer in the headlights' mode before running into the yard for the ladder. I'm on the ladder looking into our bedroom wondering exactly how I'll enter the house. Our windows open on both sides with only a screen on one side. Only, they're higher up off the ground so the drop inside the house is higher then normal. They're also narrow so it's not easy hiking a leg over.
Fuck it, I thought as I leaned forward grabbing onto the headboard. I slowly eased myself into a somersault position knowing my legs were flailing before my head reached the mattress. At this point I got myself onto the bed with nothing more then a few bits of mulch decorating the bed.
As I grabbed my keys, heading out the door once again, I kept my fingers crossed no one questioned the van alarm wailing or why I broke into our house. Maybe our neighbors have realized how crazy a household full of males can be so nothing is questioned.
I did find sweater vests and shirts for the boys at H&M. No pants thinking I'd find something usable amongst the boys clothes. Jason felt khakis of some type would be best. Only everything the boys have is beginning to show wear and tear from either grass stains or knees becoming worn. Never mind there not being any sort of khaki type pant in Jake's size.
On the way back for our trip to Wegman's, I realized I didn't have my shopping list or coupons. Not a problem. I'll swing by the house for the missing items.
Jake and I pull into the driveway. I tell him I'll be right back while leaving him buckled and locked in the car. He can't escape out of his car seat and I was running in for a pee and the list. Only as I left the house, pulling the door shut behind me, I didn't have my keys. The house was locked up and so was the van.
I stood there by the front door trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do when I remember the windows are open. Fantastic, I'll break into my own house. Only, as I'm thinking this, Jake unbuckles enough so he can lean forward to open the van door. The alarm goes off. Even better.
I go into 'deer in the headlights' mode before running into the yard for the ladder. I'm on the ladder looking into our bedroom wondering exactly how I'll enter the house. Our windows open on both sides with only a screen on one side. Only, they're higher up off the ground so the drop inside the house is higher then normal. They're also narrow so it's not easy hiking a leg over.
Fuck it, I thought as I leaned forward grabbing onto the headboard. I slowly eased myself into a somersault position knowing my legs were flailing before my head reached the mattress. At this point I got myself onto the bed with nothing more then a few bits of mulch decorating the bed.
As I grabbed my keys, heading out the door once again, I kept my fingers crossed no one questioned the van alarm wailing or why I broke into our house. Maybe our neighbors have realized how crazy a household full of males can be so nothing is questioned.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
