Time to check the meds

This week is crippling me emotionally.  I should be okay, not the blubbering mess I've been.  Just thinking about the situation has me sobbing.  I called Jason last night after I completely lost my shit once I realized who is going to Thanksgiving at our friend's house.

At the after party for our neighbors reception, I talked with G about what happened at the beach.  When he drinks, he becomes a fucking nightmare asshole.  He offends everyone and giggles while doing so.  He shimmied up next to me at the bar to apologize for his behavior.  I still called him out, especially since he's in his mid-twenties and should know better.  At some point his mom and sister came up, quietly listening to our conversation.  His mom interrupts up by saying 'No offense, Niki, but your kids are out of control.'

I stood there, not sure how I should respond before walking away in tears.  I was stressed out.  I hadn't been sleeping well, nor had I truly stopped moving during the previous two weeks.  I lost my shit, blubbering at a table in the back, before leaving.  No one needed the hot mess I'd become at the bar and I knew I wasn't calming down anytime soon.

Walking out of the bar, G followed me saying we still needed to talk.  I kept putting him off, knowing I wasn't in any shape.  Up walks J, whose house we're all supposed to be at on Thanksgiving.  The three of us are standing there, tipsy from the celebration with my added tears thrown on top.  G's mom starts yelling saying she didn't do anything.  G yells back.  I walk away.

And then comes the email last night.  I responded about what I'm bringing without really paying attention to who else will be there.  Once I saw the name's, I started crying.  Irrationally crying.  I'm letting a person hobble me emotionally to the point I start crying when I start thinking about her, her son and what'll happen this time.  I know I'm overreacting yet I can't help myself.

All of this is making me realize I need to get my meds checked.  Or get a script for something that'll take the edge off when I become a hot mess.  

Be a good neighbor

Because State Farm isn't in our neighborhood.

I could have sworn today was Friday and not Monday.  While the boys were fairly okay in shuffling out the door, the breakfast conversation wasn't exactly normal.

While eating his breakfast, Colin mentions a girl on the bus saying she hates them.  I sussed out from him it's a girl on the street behind us.  She's a bit of a snot, like her mom, so I'm not exactly concerned about her saying she doesn't like the boys.  Seriously, the girl is a brat, her mom barely acknowledges us when we're out with Murphy.  No big deal.

What bothers me is her proceeding in telling the boys our backyard neighbor (is that the right term?), the Orrs, hate us.  Yes, I know the boys can be loud.  Colin could wake the dead if he so desired.  Yes, I realize our 12 tomato plants fizzled across the back fence, making our yard look like shit.  Yes, I realize they're odd balls in their own right.  Do I think they hate us?  No because I've had enough conversations with Mrs. Orr to know she wouldn't acknowledge us if she truly hated us.  She's blunt.  She doesn't mince words.  She's joked about the exuberance of the boys, laughing that they're mine and not hers.  All the while acknowledging her kids were muted in their play.  I've had other neighbors confirm how their kids were as toddlers.

I proceeded in talking with Colin about how it's okay for kids to not like them, not everyone will.  It's okay for us to not be friends with everyone on the block and how if the Orrs hated us I'd never get a wave from her.  Please let me believe this fantasy, k?  I told him there are enough people in our neighborhood who like us, who like them, it more than balances out a snotty girl and her family.

Neighborhood dynamics are a bitch.  And people wonder why I sit on the porch with a drink in my hand.

The dreaded ice cream truck

One evening as we were sitting outside with our neighbor, we heard the sounds of the ice cream truck making its way through our neighborhood.  The boys always perk up thinking this might be the time we finally cave in and buy them ice cream.  Fortunately for us, the truck never turns towards our house.

Our neighbor told us about telling her nieces the ice cream truck is out of ice cream when you hear the song.  It was the drivers way of notifying everyone they didn't have anymore ice cream to sell.  Of course, we started spouting this phrase to the boys anytime the ice cream song was heard in the air.

There have been discussions about how the ice cream truck should plan better so they don't run out of ice cream.  Even the suggestion of talking with dad since he's a logistician so he could teach the ice cream truck drivers how to plan more efficiently.

During all of this I knew the day would come where I'd be caught telling the ice cream truck lie.  Little did I know this would happen at the playground.  I notice Jake and a few other kids going towards the parking lot.  I call out, asking him what he's doing.

'Mom!  The ice cream truck is here and he has ice cream!'

'Jake, I don't have any cash on me to buy ice cream.'

'But mom!  The song isn't playing!  They have ice cream!'

'I don't have any cash on me to buy ice cream.'

You can see where this is going as I dragged Jake away from the ice cream truck.  Yep, dashed my kids wee hearts in denying them ice cream the one time they were around when the truck wasn't playing its song.  Seriously, though, I didn't have any cash on me to buy them ice cream.  No, really, I'm not lying about the lack of cash on hand part.

I will say, telling your kids the ice cream truck is out of ice cream when you hear the song works.  They won't bother asking for ice cream every time they hear the song jangling around the neighborhood.

And it's done. For the most part.

It's going to be weird having a functioning basement again.  We're still not sure about the gray for the ceiling and trim.  Not the color we expected once it was on the walls.  No issues with the yellow. 

The basement will once again become the boys ginormous playroom for the next several months.  Or years.  They need a place to run around and we're short of furniture thanks to the mold.   

A photo montage of our basement. Or a twofer if you like.

There's actually been quite a bit more progress but it gives you an idea of what's been going on.  Since these have been taken, all of the drywall is up and things are at the point of being painted.  We caved and hired a person to finish the job for us.

Jason and our neighbors got almost all of the drywall up one drunken Saturday.  Another neighbor gave us the name of the person who finished their mudding and taping.  We hired him after he checked out the scope of our job, especially since the price was well below what any of us would have thought.  He finished up the drywall, taped and mudded for us.  The basement looks completely different now, if incredibly dusty at the moment.

Camping according to Jake

Jason and our neighbors have talked about taking the boys camping, a theme Jake has embraced with passion. We've had several conversations about what they'll need for camping. Here is Jake's requirements for camping:

1. A tent

2. Sleeping bags

3. Fire for S'mores

4. Marshmallows

5. Graham crackers to squish the marshmallows between

6. A stick to push the marshmallow on so it'll get burned

7. The ability to blow out a burning marshmallow

8. Chocolate for the S'mores

When frisbees attack

Jake, Murphy and I headed out to Burke Lake again this morning. I'm trying to get my arse out there at least 3 times a week before the older two are out of school. I'll get in at least 15miles a week of walking/jogging if I keep this up for the next two months.

We didn't have a quiet walk today. Not even 10 minutes out and we're attacked by a frisbee. All I saw was a yellow blur coming at Murphy and the jog stroller. As I'm exclaiming 'what the fuck is that?', I hear a shout of 'sorry!' from the 3 guys playing frisbee golf. Seems we weren't loud enough to alert the frisbee golfers of our presence.

Right after the frisbee attack, a turtle crossed our paths. I don't know who was more freaked out: Murphy or the turtle. Unfortunately the lake wasn't close enough for me to get the turtle off the trail. The turtle would have been great company for the huge ass fish swimming in the lake.

Today we also saw deer. We'd stopped at a stream so Murphy could get a drink and cool off. While he was trying to catch something in the water, I spotted 5 or 6 deer to our left. Jake wouldn't budge until he could see them for himself.

Oh, can't forget about the snake near the playground.

I lack motivation. And I babble.

Laundry is waiting in the kitchen to be brought downstairs. The bathroom needs to be cleaned. The kitchen floors are gross. Dishes are in the sink. And where am I? On the computer because I don't want to clean.

School starts up for me again next week. Two of my classes should be fairly easy. The second part in Natural Science will kick my butt this term. I'll actually have a professor who teaches the class how it should be done. I still need to retake my math placement exam otherwise I'm screwed. Which means I need to study. Yet something else I'm avoiding like the plague.

My, how things have changed.

Monday we got a visit from M who we haven't seen in months. Can't say we missed his coming over before 8am on a Saturday morning at all. The curiosity got the better of him since he saw the electric truck outside.

A year ago we were on friendly terms with these 3 families. Now? Only one family do we occasionally talk with. They made it abundantly clear our family was no longer welcome at birthday party celebrations this summer. It was the one concern I had in inviting them to the boys back in June. I no longer have this concern going forward. Brendan even called them out on it one time and was ignored. Why? Because they know what they did was wrong. Fortunately it's their karma that'll bite them in the ass.

Last year had us receiving holiday goodies. This year? Not a single one. I debated taking over a batch. I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad because the rare times of small talk between us is awkward. There is so much I'd like to say but know it won't do a damn bit of good.

I know I shouldn't let the fallout between these families bug me. Jason keeps telling me to let it go. For the most part I have. Until I see how the 3 wives bonded together over a run and now have a nickname for them. Or how another person who they directed their gossip towards is now a bestest friend.

I mean, it's so fucking obvious they've turned their backs on us. On me. I know it's not me. I know I didn't do anything wrong because two of the wives can't even look me in the eye if I pass them on the street. It still hurts.

A year later

and this is where we stand. The basement still isn't done but progress is finally being made. Jason's been working on removing the old paint from the walls and glue from the floor. The grey areas on the wall have been scrubbed clean. It takes hours in removing the paint. We have one last possibility in paint removal before going back to the lovely lead based haze removal.

The floors are slowly being brought back to normal before we lay down self leveling concrete. If you pay attention you'll also see the crappy fluorescent lights are gone! We have proper recessed lighting and the lights on the stairs are working. Took us forever to figure out what the little boxes were.

During the next two weeks a flurry of activity will be happening downstairs. Okay, I admit we also have a deadline with the insurance company in turning the rest of our claim in for the mold damage of last year. Dare I say we'll have a proper ceiling with insulation by month's end? That we'll have brand new bamboo flooring downstairs? Yes, yes I dare.

And I wonder why I'm sick

The week started off innocently enough as a random sore throat. The occasional hacking loogy was there with the intermittent cough. As the week progressed, the throat became more swollen and scratchy. The lungs are fighting back. The pain is, well, a pain in my fucking ass. I've been popping Tylenol like their Tums while I shine a flashlight down my throat.

All during this week Jason has been working on stripping the paint off the walls and glue crap on the basement floor. The haze! The fumes! The air we're breathing! It's no wonder more of us aren't hacking within the walls of our house.

At least I'm not the only one hacking. Jason is firmly entrenched in the same misery.

You're not in code.

The electricians came out today since we, I mean Jason, knows his limitations. Several of the junction boxes and lights were not in code, something which doesn't surprise us one bit. They're coming back next week to install recess lighting in the basement. I refuse to have anymore fluorescent lights down there. Okay, so it's also because we don't want the pain in the arse drop ceilings either.

Jason's been trying to remove the old paint on the cinder block. The only thing working at the moment is grinding it off. This results in a fine haze making it's way upstairs. He'll come out covered in gray soot and his mask completely dark. None of this crap is helping us feel any better since we're both fighting something off at the moment. He's ordered a product which is supposedly guaranteed to work. Keep your fingers crossed because I don't want anymore dust.

I'm tired of dusting and vacuuming daily because of this shite. It's everywhere. I know I'm missing quite a bit since I won't move furniture around. He didn't realize how bad it got up here until the other day. The last time he'd worked down there I'd mention the haze. I also said I didn't know how much was coming from downstairs or my glasses buggering my eyes. I haven't been wearing my contacts very much so it was a likely excuse.

One of these days we'll have a functioning basement again.

Look at the size of that thing!

No, I'm talking about the spanky, new iMac sitting in front of me. So very odd having a monitor this big. I haven't found the right distance for me yet. And then I got distracted.

I started filling the Nano up with music. We've lost so much through the years in downloads, etc., it's not even funny. We're going old school again and just buying cd's. Everything I've downloaded from itunes is gone. Half of emusic is gone. I was just looking for Tiger Army to load and it's gone. Fuckity fuck fuck. Stupid technology.

Kung Fu Panda and Legos, oh my!

I'm sitting here at the table listening to the sounds of Kung Fu Panda in the background while the older two build their new Star Wars Lego sets. Is there a better way to start a Sunday morning? Didn't think so.

The kids made out like bandits again this year. No one, including Jason, have taken off their spanky new slippers. Jake is regularly seen wandering around the house in his Iron Man helmet. It's rather comical since he looks like a bobble head wearing the helmet.

One of their bestest gifts came from Uncle Josh and Uncle Dewey. They were give measuring tapes, mini flashlights, fat pencils and air horns. Fortunately the air horns lost their power on Friday night. The measuring tapes? The boys LOVE them. They've been measuring everything and anything in the house. Hours of fun, even more so than a slinky.

Me? I was dumbfounded by unwrapping packages regarding a new computer. An iMac to be specific. Jason even got me a magic thinkpad for the mouse. Our laptop is sluggish and dying a slow death. We've been talking about finally plunking down for a Mac this next go around. I wasn't expecting the gift for Christmas. He went with the iMac vs a netbook because they cost the same. Yes, I was gauche enough to question him on this since I thought we'd go for the netbook. Portability does have its uses.

It was a good day yesterday.

I'll be hiding in my cave until Christmas is over

The first official day of winter break and all hell broke loose before 8:30am. Really, children, is this how it's going to be? Colin went off the deep end because Jake stole his Santa hat. He then proceeded in pinching Jake until he broke skin. Why? Because Jake refused to get off his bed.

I'm not prepared for this. There isn't enough mind numbing crap in the house to take the edge off of the drama.

Holy crap, I have generous kids

I started baking on Sunday for the goodies will be giving to the kids teachers and our neighbors. I sent Brendan and Colin to school with tins full of cookies for their teachers. The rest of the morning I finished up my holiday baking.

As I'm waiting for the boys after school I see Brendan coming towards me with his cookie tin. When he gets into the van I asked why he didn't give it to his teacher. He, and Colin, both passed out the cookies to their classmates. They took my saying it's for your teachers as 'hey, lets share with everyone!' Brendan said it was the nice thing to do. I thanked them for their generosity, saying it was nice.

This morning I restocked the tins and promptly forgot them in my yelling to get the kids out the door. At least their teachers will have a bit of a different fare this time around.

In other holiday news, Colin hasn't taken his santa hat off since I bought them on Monday. Brendan lost his at school and Jake waffles between wearing his and tossing it around. Colin asked for two weeks if I'd get them santa hats. He is very happy I obliged.

We're not big on traditions so I haven't gone gungho on holiday crap. Things are added each year as the kids get older. We have blue christmas trees, ornament garlands and santa hats this year. I'm thinking I might go squirrely and get solar powered outdoor lights next year.

Cookie Galore.

Yesterday was spent baking cookies. I forgot how much my back hurts from standing all day. My new recipe for this year was a caramel pumpkin cookie. I will never make this one again. I greased pans. I used parchment paper. Those fucking cookies stuck like you wouldn't believe. I had mangled, but tasty, caramel pumpkin cookies.

The others I baked were called little treasures (chock full of nuts and two kinds of chocolate chips), pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and lemon drops. Today is set aside for feather gingerbread, guinness applesauce cake (for which I need more walnuts) and nanaimo bars.

I was going to make marshmallows but think I'll do those for Christmas Eve. We're going over to Uncle J and Uncle D's house for dinner. I think the boys will appreciate the marshmallows in their hot chocolate.

Lazy buggers. I mean, neighbors.

This year is showing once again who can't be arsed in shoveling their sidewalks after the snow came on Thursday. It's only a wee bit of snow but annoying nonetheless thanks to the ice forming underneath.

Last year was a fucking nightmare with the feet of snow one had to traipse through. It became easier in some blocks to walk in the middle of the road instead of sinking knee deep into snow on the sidewalk.

Whatever happened to showing a little respect towards your neighbors? Funny enough, many of the corner houses don't shovel their walks. The townhouse community across the street? Only a handful of the residents shovel their walks. The president of their HOA is one the lazy ones. The rest is contracted out with the snow removal people ignoring the sidewalks on the main road.

I understand the disabled or elderly not being able to get out there. They're given a pass and those of us living near them jump in as needed. Everyone else? Fucking lazy arses who should be fined.

The trifecta is complete

Jake will be getting services for speech after the holidays. I finally got him tested this year for enunciation. I kept thinking things would change if I waited. If I'd known they wouldn't change he'd have gotten tested last year. I denied myself free time this fall! Gah.

Jason and I wouldn't have been surprised if Jake had a speech delay like his older brothers. The fact he didn't was the surprise. He became a regular chatterbox for his age. We didn't sign with him as we did with the older two. The fact I have trouble understanding him brought us in for testing.

Brendan tested out once he turned 3 and didn't require anything for enunciation. Colin is still in speech and looks as if he'll be out by the end of the year. Not sure what Jake's timeline will be. He's also going in for social testing. I'd brought this up during his second screening. He's just under the cut off for services, scoring a 55 when the cut off is 62.

We don't know if the social part is coming from age, stubbornness (because holy fuck is this child stubborn) or what. The concern is his not being ready for kindergarten next year if he drops the ball around those he's comfortable with. Even the speech pathologist was on the fence in further testing.

Brendan's also going through ADHD testing. There's definitely an attention deficit issue going on but my gut says it's not on the level of ADHD. He goes in next month for a sit down with the doctor. He may get further testing. He may get put on meds right then. All we know is the school won't support us until he's failing. Jason and I don't want him failing.

We're looking at 3 kids having IEP's at the same time. I can do this paperwork in my sleep now. It's a constant struggle advocating for our kids to make sure their voices are heard.

Procrastination, how do I love the? Let me count the ways.

I have one more assignment for my last class and I'm done. All the research has been done. Websites gathered for source material. The project is only 3-4 paragraphs on what I'd like to be as a grown-up or the reason I'm trying to get my arse into nursing school. Simple. Easy. Yet I'm avoiding this task like the plague. If I don't get it done today I always have tomorrow.

On a completely different subject, we have a tree! A fake, prelit, 7.5ft tree is happily decorated in the corner. Trying to find a decent prelit tree in the stores this year has been a nightmare. Everything is either out of stock in store or not sold online. We should have bought the tree when they first made an appearance in store. See the above paragraph about procrastination since it also applies towards trees.

Jake spazzed out yesterday in helping me decorate. His zeal caused several broke ornaments and candy canes. I had to very carefully go around him as I found new homes for some ornaments. While he didn't cluster them in a giant ornament disaster there were a few hanging a tad close. I haven't decided when the boys will start eating the candy canes off of the tree. Perhaps after winter break starts.

We're still missing a topper since the one I got years ago is rather heavy for a fake tree. Our last fake tree could handle the star in a rather lopsided way. This new one wants to be Charlie Brown's Christmas Trees older brother. In the meantime, the old topper is sitting on our mantel by the blue tree. It rather matches everything we have up there now.