There are no rocks big enough

for my butt, that is. I've been merrily denying my weight issues for awhile. Mostly due to the fact I haven't changed sizes. Yet. The next size up is looming right around the corner unless I get myself back into some type of consistent routine. I swear, willpower is a mother f*cker at times. And my issues are boiling down to a lack of willpower. I need a carrot so my butt gets back into gear again. I know there is one out there for me. One day I will find mine to share.

This past year I've gained twenty pounds. Not sure exactly why since my eating hasn't been out of the norm. Activity levels have been fairly consistent with the occasional forays into full couch potato status. Only I'm up 20 odd pounds in a year. The one and only thing keeping me from despair is being in the same size. Wearing a pair of jeans I couldn't put on in December helps too.

I feel I make excuses for my weight not coming off when I do make the commitment. I have a bad back, thyroid issues, 3 kids, been on antidepressants since '02. All of these have contributed to my weight gain and struggle in moving the scale down. During the time I'm working out consistently or eating differently I struggle for the littlest gain. The next time I'm at the endocrinologist I'm bringing this up if I haven't seen a change with this current getting back on the band wagon.

At my heaviest, I weight 222lbs. Like the first time I lost weight (got to love working in a coffee shop) I started with small changes in my eating habits and started moving. The weight came off pretty quickly the first time. Only there were two huge differences: no kids or car accident. I was able to lose 45lbs when I got pregnant with Jake. Up until the past year I was steady at 180lbs or so.

Now? I don't know what's happening. I've tried a few times in sticking with P90X then something happens. My back giving out. Mom's surgery. Illness. Excuses.

School starts in a week for the boys. We've talked about walking in the mornings with the occasional walk in the afternoons. I'm slowly adjusting my eating habits. I know there's a problem with certain foods I eat which could be causing other problems. One of these days things might stick long enough for me to see a difference again.